He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
