PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
