9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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