How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
