dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
