no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
