We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
