Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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