im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
