where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
