Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
