quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
