Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
