Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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