My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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