So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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