The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
