I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
