I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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