hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
