in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
