Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
