Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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