Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think my moral compass just broke
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
