Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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