hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
