We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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