I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
