This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize