Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
