WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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