I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Drake has all the answers
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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