I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
