you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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