i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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