well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
