Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize