that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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