remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
