The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
