I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
