When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
