Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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