i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
