Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
