I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
