I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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