I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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