I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
