it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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