It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
