I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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