I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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