new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
