Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
