In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
