I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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