Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
