haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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