if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
