fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
