I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
