its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
