I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize