____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize