I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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