Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
