why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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