I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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