508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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