Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
