i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
