I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
how does that bad decision feel?
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