bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
