Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize