Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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