Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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