got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
