..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize