drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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