Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
