his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize