until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
