? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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