My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drake has all the answers
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
