I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
