it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
