So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
