Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just high enough for therapy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
