Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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