But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
