Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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