you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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